The Late Night Challenge

Jimmy Fallon put out a dance challenge on the interwebs. Asie and I answered it. We rule.

Baby's First Vlog

Women's Issues

A good friend of mine is pregnant.  When I said goodbye to her today I gloated, "Hey, guess what I'm doing this weekend?!  Menstruating!"  She laughed, but I laughed harder.  One person who overheard my comment was absolutely appalled. I am a jackass.

While on the subject of questionable attempts at humor.  I thought of my first Rihanna and Chris Brown joke.  It's not quite irrelevant, but not "too soon" enough.  Nonetheless, here goes it:

Q: What did Chris Brown say the first time he ever saw Rihanna?

A:  Damn! I'd like to hit that!

My .015 Seconds of Fame

Thanks to Carolyn Castiglia for bringing this to my attention. Well, after 18 hours of standing in line, I made it on Last Comic Standing, after all. Look closely at second 10 of this clip. I'm the flash of cleavage, leopard print, and blonde.

These are your 20s, Katie Riffey

"Useless Desires"
by Patty Griffin

Say goodbye to the old street
That never cared much for you anyway
The different-colored doorways
You thought would let you in one day
Goodbye to the old bus stop, frozen and waiting
The weekend edition has this town way overrated

You walk across a baseball field
The grass has turned to straw
A flock of birds tries to fly away from where you are
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend
I can't make you stay
I can't spend another ten years
Wishing you would anyway

How the sky turns to fire against a telephone wire
And even I'm getting tired of useless desires

Every day I take a bitter pill that gets me on my way
For the little aches and pains
The ones I have from day to day
To help me think a little less about the things I miss
To help me not to wonder how I ended up like this

I walk down to the railroad track and ride a rusty train
With a million other faces I shoot through the city veins
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend
You wanted to be free
Somewhere beyond the bitter end is where I want to be

How the sky turns to fire against a telephone wire
And even I'm getting tired of useless desires

Say goodbye to the old building
That never tried to know your name
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend
You won't be seeing me again
Goodbye to all the windowpanes shining in the sun
Like diamonds on a winter day
Goodbye, goodbye to everyone

How the sky turns to fire against a telephone wire
Burns the last of the day down
And I'm the last one hangin' around
Waiting on a train track, and the train never comes back
And even I'm getting tired of useless desires

Sometimes I've hung around longer than I should have...places, jobs, relationships... This song reminds me of one of my last nights in Lansing, MI. After a night out with people I never really liked, I find a drunken MSU student urinating on my car. It leads me to believe that goodbyes are better sealed with a piss than a kiss. Nostalgia's a real time waster. Lansing is one place I've never missed.

Happy Administrative Professionals Day to Me!

I just bought the most garish piece of handbag I've ever come across in my life. This picture doesn't do it justice. It's more obscene in person. Can't wait to dump my old smelly bag. Literally, it's smelly. I don't know what happened either.

Note to Self, pt. 2

Dear Katie,

If you keep your hair like that, old men will continue to dig your action. Seriously, you can't walk around with the coif of a 1950s era wet dream and act all surprised when old dudes wanna put it in you. It's not like their sexual desires subside with age. As your mama, the geriatric nurse, once told you, "Gertie, they die with their hand on that thing."

So what I'm saying is, maybe it's time for a new hairstyle?